i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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