im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
