oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
