also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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