Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c

Fav 11 3529 821
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(201): View more from New Jersey

Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.

Fav 26 5372 1531
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?

Fav 6 2184 858
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(413): View more from Massachusetts

I just feel like everything is too perfect

(774): View more from Massachusetts

He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator

(774): View more from Massachusetts

Or both. Which is common

Fav 4 1480 753
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(515): View more from Iowa

I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.

Fav 10 1548 629
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.

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(425): View more from Washington

The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch

Fav 7 697 435
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(618): View more from Illinois

It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit

Fav 4 107 15
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Is that strawberry winking at me??

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