walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
