sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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