First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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