they need to just BURY HIM!
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
