oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
