i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
