then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
