She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
