So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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