Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
