I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I look better un-naked...
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
