you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
