so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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