I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
