I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
