Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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