White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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