dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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