I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
