my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
