I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
