so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
