So drunk its hurt
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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