Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
