my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
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