I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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