It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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