Grow some girl-balls and come out already
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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