i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
So vagazzling was a success
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
