I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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