I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
