Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
