im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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