dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
