god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
The uberlube is also flammable
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
