Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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