will power is for people who don't want to get laid
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You are a genius and a whore.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
