Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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