I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
