they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
