you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
