I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
