He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
