Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
