Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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