The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
