I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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